


In which the Earth is destroyed (but no one really cares)

by villainsarebetter (darkling59)



Series: Fusion Friday (Rumbelle) [5]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, F/M, Humor, Science Fiction Fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 16:02:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4631430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkling59/pseuds/villainsarebetter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gold has just been abducted, tortured, ‘fished’ and seen his planet blown up. It is definitely not the right time to meet Belle French. The universe disagrees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which the Earth is destroyed (but no one really cares)

"Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" Fusion prompted by **:** **iambicdearie**

* * *

 “Don’t forget your towel!”

Gold did not even pause in stomping away to yell at Jefferson; he just directed his ire at the corridor in general. “SOD the bloody towel! I am getting off this blasted ship!”

He stalked down the corridor, snarling every time a door sighed happily or a light chirped with glee at his passing. He was not in a good mood. He’d been abducted by aliens with naught but the clothes on his back, tortured (for a certain degree of torture) by poetic Vogons, had a fish jammed in his ear – which was possibly in his _brain_ by now -, and his home planet had been blown up.

His horror and panic at that realization was buried beneath his fury, but he never lost sight of what really mattered; Bae was safe. A year ago, he’d been saddened by his son’s departure, but now he was praising every deity he knew of that Bae had had the foresight to get off the planet while he could. As it was, Gold didn’t feel like he’d lost anything of real importance. Ogres, Hordor, and bad memories.

That didn’t help his mood.

With a final metallic giggle, the big important looking doors in front of him slid into the walls and he found himself on the bridge of the shining golden ship. At the sight of the man sitting in the captain’s chair, he froze in place.

The Hatter, following closely behind, ran into him with a startled “Oomph!”, knocking him off balance, but before Gold could do anything other than glare, Jefferson dropped the blasted towel over his head and the captain realized they were there.

“Jefferson!”

“Killian!”

The two men rushed to greet each other and Gold snatched the towel off his head and slunk off to the side, shaken by the sight of Killian Jones… the man who’d stolen his wife off the face of the earth– quite _literally_ it seemed. Not that Milah had protested, he thought with a trace of old bitter anger. But he was sure Jones would not be happy to see him; losing to a crippled lawyer had not been the pirate’s best moment. In fact, it seemed he was still wearing a brace on his wrist where Rumple had…

…erm…

Best not to think about that.

But it seemed Jones had traded up; the only other person in the room was not Milah – it was an unfamiliar lovely young woman. She was studying the control panels right next to the viewing window, shooting curious glances at Jefferson and Jones every few seconds.

With nowhere else to go, Gold sidled up next to her, observing her with wary interest. She didn’t notice him until he coughed lightly. Then she jumped and whirled to face him.

“Oh, hello!” She smiled and his breath stuttered. Suddenly bashful in the face of her regard, he twisted the towel in his hands and almost stuttered for the first time in years. Her eyes were just so…so…honest.

…Yes. Honest. That was exactly what he’d been thinking.

“Hello, dearie.”

“Belle. Belle French.” She offered her hand and he shook it, offering her a thin smile.

“Rum Gold.”

“And that is your – ah – towel?” Her amusement was obvious.

Gold grimaced at the increasingly ratty cloth in his hand. “So it seems.” With a movement that was quickly (unfortunately) becoming practiced, he slung the towel over his shoulder and turned to look out the window. “It would appear, as of this morning, that I am a hitchhiker.”

“I see.” He could sense her curious stare digging into the side of his head as she considered and rejected questions to ask. Gold had to wonder what an alien would see as rude. “What happened this morning?”

Gold snorted. “My home planet was destroyed.”

The young woman blanched, eyes snapping back to her instruments. “O-oh. I’m…I’m so sorry.”

“Hm.” He grimaced and shrugged. “It wasn’t your fault.”

After a long, awkward moment while they both ignored the two men chattering in the background, Belle ventured tentatively: “What are you doing on the Jolly Roger?”

“The what?”

“The ship.”

“It isn’t called the Heart of Gold?”

Belle gestured towards Jones with a vaguely embarrassed expression. “Not anymore.”

“Ah. Is he your…?”

“My _captain_.” The statement was fierce, with the irritation of someone who had been asked the same question _many_ times. “Nothing else.”

…Gold wasn’t sure why that made his heart skip a beat. But now was not the time to figure it out.

Especially because that was when Jefferson grabbed him by the collar and yanked him towards the captain.

“Hey Gold, come meet an old friend of mine; Killian. He’s the president now, you know!”

* * *

 **Author’s Note** : It’s been a while since I’ve read Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; hope I did it justice!

**Author's Note:**

> Last Friday, I wrote a few silly little fusion mini!fics on tumblr. Most of them stayed around 500 words, and I had fun with it. I think (well, I hope) a few other people enjoyed reading and prompting too.
> 
> I'm not sure I'll do another 'Fusion Friday', but I might! If I do, I'll be accepting prompts on tumblr for whatever movies, tv shows, books, etc. anyone wants to read.
> 
> (I'm going to keep this message up for all of the mini!fics in my Fusion Friday series.)


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